Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize