Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize