Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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