I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize