He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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