I like to think it a success when the cops are called
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
