She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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