just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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