I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
