member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
