Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize