Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize