Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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