Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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