God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
