Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize