I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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