Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
