you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
