god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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