i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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