Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
