Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
