i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
