I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
