I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
