I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
