Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
