I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
