Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
