I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
BRING THE BAGELS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
