five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
