No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
