I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
