yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
