hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
