my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize