so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
