Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
