Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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