Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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