my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
