The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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