i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
