I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
