apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
