Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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