Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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