so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
