Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
