Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
