You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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