So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
