It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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