my room smells like sperm. sweet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
