I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize