U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
