legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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