He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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