I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize