I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
