The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can I color on your dick again?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
