Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
