This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
