I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
