remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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