just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
