Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
