She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
