I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
